I forgot to remember to forget

"The day she went away I made myself a promise, that I would soon forget what now I know. But something sure is wrong, for I'm so blue and lonely. I forgot to remember to forget." Apologies to Elvis Presley for paraphrasing a song he did back in the mid fifties. Just knowing a song from that era tells you how old I am. This Saturday I will be sixty six years old and thankfully I do not forget to remember to forget. These days it seems forgetting is what I do best.

True story; (as if everything else is not) A few months ago I became so concerned about my increasingly frequent memory lapses that I made an appointment with a neurologist at the University of Florida's clinic specializing in Alzheimer's and other brain impairments.

I spent the day being tested, prodded and having my brain scanned. It was an interesting, enlightening and somewhat disheartening experience. After all of the testing and a three hour chat with the head of the Neurology Department he finally asked why I thought I might have a problem. I told him that, for more than twenty five years, I had been an air traffic controller. I had been capable of working more than twenty aircraft climbing, descending and turning and remember each of them. Throughout my life I could hear a set of numbers one time and add them in my head as quickly as I heard them. I always finished first on any exam and could remember phone numbers after only hearing them once. Lately I have trouble remembering my own phone number. I frequently forget why I am looking in a cabinet and/or what I am looking for. People describe events that I attended and I have almost no memory of what occurred and sometime have difficulty in remembering that I was even there. I told him that it didn't happen every day but often enough that I was concerned.

He smiled and said I have some bad news and some good news. I thought why in hell is this man smiling while telling me he has bad news. (Keep in mind his comments about good news went right over my head.) He said, "Larry, can you run as fast as you could when you were twenty years of age?" I said, "of course not." He responded, "Do you have the same color of hair, let alone as much hair?" Again I replied negatively. He said "The bad news is you are aging and your mind like your body is not what it once was." He continued, "The good news is your brain function is average for a man your age, no disease, no abnormality, you are in every mental aspect...average." To make matters worse, he later sent me a three page document attesting to the fact that I am of average intelligence and average mental capabilities. I guess he didn't want me to forget.